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Many things are passing through my whiplashed brain four days after the election that handed the presidency of the U.S. to a bigot, sexist, misogynist, xenophobe. A basketcase of deplorable qualities; a con, a fake, an idiot child who should have been smothered at birth, a flaming asshole.

This is the fourth day of the newly minted #not my president movement springing up in the streets all over the U.S. If I could walk or had a scooter I would be with them in Denver, wherever I could be.

Make no mistake: they drained the swamp, and what crawled out was Donald Trump, a buffoon for the ages, a meat-plundering crocodile, a reptile masquerading as a human being.  A puppet of the fascistic extreme right ala Steve Bannon, newly appointed “Chief Strategist.”  Good.  We the People have always wanted a white supremacist in the White House, a mongrel who often forgets to shower and spouts the rank rhinoceros semen of racist rhetoric over the airwaves.

The win has not been ethical, and I hope that well-placed people are at this moment considering how to impeach this idiot.

But I am especially thinking, about grief.  With many other democratic women, I keep breaking down at odd moments.  This is not a small death, like finding a kitten crushed on a road, that many of us would carry to the side and cover with wildflowers..

It is a very big death of millions of people’s hopes for our country, a terrible grief made so by our geniuine love and respect for our candidate, Hillary Rodham Clinton.  To have her drop out of sight and every cable news channel turn to Trump is difficult.  To think of her, the hope in her voice and in her eyes is unbearable.

I think many of us fell in love with her across the course of the campaign.  If you watched her on and off the stump, saw the CNN biographical piece and came to terms with who she really is as opposed to who the right wing media says she is, you know what I mean. I have been grieving her absence and her loss more than I did my own mother when she died although one loss triggers others we thought we had put away.

I got to know her, and believed in her, and dreams die hard.   I didn’t realize how deeply invested I was in the idea that with ease she had this thing put away until the crocus sprouts of a dream in me, that if she were elected the sun would come out in America again, that the loss of Barack Obama would be tempered by her election, themselves began to die back.

With many other educated and open-minded people, I believed the polls and sustained my faith that we are America, better than putting a fascist at the helm and would surely make the right choice, even after Comey and Friends at the FBI tried to throw the election for Trump.

I was wrong, as wrong as the pollsters.

One problem seems to be that once again we have a vast difference between the electoral college tally and the popular vote; Hillary Clinton won the popular vote, and if only we had a true democracy, without that damnable electoral college.

Implicated in this dirty win is the FBI, the shenanigans of Rudy Giuliani in his relationship with the NYC bureau.  Voter suppression is implicated.  Intimidation of black people, brown people, is implicated. Not voting out of protest is voted and perhaps, dirty aspects of the electoral college are implicated.

Trump didn’t campaign on what he would do for the country; he campaigned on ginning up the suppressed rage of those who distrust Washington.

At this moment, thanks to Obama, who has an over 50% approval rating, many things are better in this country.  People have health care, women can get safe abortions if they so choose, the college-age children of the undocumented migrant workers in this country have amnesty and access to an education.  Gasoline is down to under 2 dollars a gallon after rising to 5 dollars a gallon.

And so on.

How do we live with that percentage of the electorate that put Trump over the top.Because these people don’t care who they put in power as long as he’s a Republican and thinks like they do–that Clinton is a criminal, that she should have been indicted for having a private server even though it was found that she didn’t make vulnerable one state secret, that Benghazi was her fault, that the Clintons play light and loose with their foundation, and so on.

The fact is that the paranoid right put a criminal in the White House.  Trump, the criminal, the bloviating asshole, will be inaugurated in January.

And those of you who put him in the White House in spite of all of the evidence that he, not Clinton, is a sociopath of the first order, didn’t care, did you.  You’re just over the moon that the “criminal” Hillary Clinton lost.

Writing the other day in the Washington Post, Gene Robinson said that the effect of James Comey’s letter indicating the discovery of new e-mails “pertinent” to the investigation into Clinton’s private server, would be inestimable.

I don’t mind estimating it.  It threw the election in a maneuver as dirty as it gets.

We who are in despair have but one choice: we need to keep living and thereby give the lie to the cannonball that struck all of us in the stomach, and trust that our beautiful candidate so full of hope and humanity on the stump will eventually exhort us to rise to our feet again.

Donald Trump is walking proof that even in America, an election can be highjacked.  Proof that there are lots of fools in America who didn’t care what they subjected the rest of us to when they cast their vote–that the electoral college needs to be done away with so that she with the most votes wins

Donald Trump, KellyAnn Connor and Steve Bannon are cut of the same cloth: win at any price.  At the price of truth, dignity, true patriotism that is inclusive and not divisive.

A glimmer of hope lies in Reince Preibus being named Chief of Staff today. He seems to have his feet on the ground.

Clinton says we need to come together to support Trump.  I’m sure she choked on those words.

But, au contraire.  We don’t have to support him.  We can explore every avenue to get rid of him.  We can use the power of the filibuster, of the midterm elections, to change the face of the Senate and the House.  To quote our erstwhile leader Barack, we have work to do.

We can weep with Lady Liberty, and then we must come to her aid; we must sew up her wounds, bind up her wrists, wipe away her tears.

After all, women have always been good at that sort of thing–tending the broken.  May it serve us and lighten our heavy hearts now.  And a bouquet of thank-yous to Kate McKinnon, SNL,  for the following.

Homage to Leonard Cohen, dying yesterday: R.I.P.

A fitting and beautiful Requiem for the 2016 Democratic Campaign, Hillary Rodham, Clinton, winner of the popular vote, woman candidate by, for and about the people–all of us.