Monthly Archives: May 2011

Poem for Memorial Day

Heilige Nacht

.
Some are living on against their will.

Some are afflicted with anger

As if they had been born to be irate

To condemn and to find fault

To whittle others down to nothing

Like soap.

,
Then, because I grieve

For the fallen

And I am burdened with sin

Make of me a soap seal

That flays herself with her fins.

That is what I am

Made of boiled ash,

Whose ash I know not—

,
A tattered and torn flag

On the memorial day for fallen

sons, the soft bodies crushed by war

Shipped home in the flag-draped coffins

And the mule deer,  black blood

From their mouths, faltering in the trees

On the foolish green grass of Normandy

,
Where the headstones chatter on to themselves

The bones play knock knock

The tide sucks at the shore

And pulls back and back

The sea stars divide and multiply
.

They came in their spangled pride

and walked in to the shore

And fell to their knees, their chests

Bursting open with red wet valor.

They lay in the bruised and mothering sea

,
They were patched up, their arms

At their sides their mouths sewn

Shut, coins on their eyes

Our dead, our brave.  We hid them away

We said their stories were follies

We danced in the moonlight

We plotted the next war and the next
.

We trained our children to be turret gunners

We said there were MIGs with Japs in them

We slept with the butterflies and got them

With child

And the butterflies lingered, calling to us

Stumbling in the foam with bound feet

,
And then we bombed the butterflies

And their children

That bore our blood—

We want to be forgiven;

We want to believe

But at dusk, at everyman’s Ramadan

.
We slaughter the lamb of history

And bleed the lamb’s blood into a chalice

And we call this God

And we say that God loves our wars

,
In the night our children

Weep over their imperfections

With the powers and foresight of the young

They see we are doomed

Our species gone down into ruin

The sun runs away with the moon

The clouds fall into the sea
.

We soldier on

Our sins pressing us beneath the waves

Yet we say that no one among us

Has unreasonably exulted, sung forth the battle hymn

with star spangled gusto

Or drowned in a beautiful blue lie.

,


Review: In the Language of Women

Note: this review was posted yesterday briefly in draft, and has been revised and tightened.  I excised most discursive references to myself as marginalized but indelibly self-empowered woman poet– a discussion for another day.  This review will be archived in the Review pages of this blog. Please comment; I’ll gladly respond.

Charles Ades Fishman is a poet well established in the milieu of the East Coast intelligentsia and literary elite.  He has spent most of his life on Long Island and taught in academe.  He is the poetry consultant to the National Jewish Holocaust Museum and is the recipient of numerous literary awards.  His collections The Death Mazurka and Chopin’s Piano have been acclaimed for their  evocation of the diaspora and the Holocaust, the former work having been nominated for the Pulitzer Prize.

In the Language of Women is Dr. Fishman’s latest collection and the second of his from the independent Albuquerque press Casa de Snapdragon.  Fishman’s socio-political conscience and the focus of his work–to illuminate and accurately show forth the horror of the “Shoah”– have led him to issue a book the premise of which, according to the jacket copy, is to honor and “empower” women.

When I was first approached regarding a review I had a minor reaction to the title of the collection that I hoped would not dissuade me from contending with the work itself.  I set the thought, “In the Language of Women– how can–or should– a man presume to know that language or speak as if there were such a language?”  to the back of my mind.  I read what I could of Dr. Fishman’s work online– a very able discussion of his oeuvre  is  here with an extensive and impressive biographical note.    I found his poetry about the Holocaust dazzling and heart-breaking– all of the things such a poetry should be. And there is no disputing Fishman’s capacities as a true poet in the following poems:

Mother of Silence

Rain on the sea, in sunlight,
or memory of rain, memory
of sea, memory of light: sun
on each patchy wave, each
swatch of wake green
as a camouflage jacket,
but translucent, the white
silk of crushed shells distant,
muted, an underness. Enter
this rain of ions, photons of tide
and body, your eyes darkly
glimmering in the dark trough,
in the plosive burr of ocean:
your eyes and their sadness,
wife, your deep sadness, and your
love: for me, for our children,
for the children of children—
even in this stark sun, your eyes
bring fresh rain to my spirit:
rain that bids roses drink deeply
and bend toward death, rain to wash
daisies white as new snow: rain
on the sea and on the earth . . .
rain that cossets and cleanses, rain
that quenches, that quiets the nerves
of the planet.

Charles Ades Fishman — from www.charlesfishman.com .

Landscape after Battle

For Andrzej Wajda

To a nocturne accompaniment —
Chopin—they perform Liberation.
As they starved to Vivaldi.
As they burned to Bach.

You ask us to remember when a corpse
was esteemed ‘incompletely processed’
that could not, of itself, rise
above the ashfields . . . and dance.

Andrzej, you understand the silence
of your poets: self-hate and catechetical
obedience; violent, unassimilable grief.

Life should taste sweet, milk warm
from the nipple, but in your language
it is salt and blood.

You give us a victim to remind us why we speak.

Her name is Nina and—offkey—she sings,
and we are moved by her bare legs
and her loose hair, and we are almost
ready to follow . . . Red leaves

build soft mounds under the emptying trees

Poland, here is your Jew!
She will swallow the wafer, translucent
as pale skin, and kiss your numb body
—unkosher meat!

And she will draw you out of your Christ-
blazoned prison, until each bloodied finger
wakens from its dream, until your strangled
voice bears witness:

One life is history enough to mourn.

From The Death Mazurka (Texas Tech University Press, 1989; first published in a letterpress edition by Timberline Press, 1987)

However, as nearly everyone knows, women writers in the United States have had to break down innumerable barriers to be taken seriously, to have their work published, to obtain degrees, to teach, to have a voice.  Therefore, I find it problematic to say the least, to encounter a book that has the chutzpah to speak for women as opposed to of them,  in any way.

Inn 2011 to issue a book under this title and with such a purported mission  as a man, a male poet, is to put one’s head in the lion’s mouth. Is this not the hijacking of history that belongs to those who have lived it?  To assume that any given woman at any point in the recent past–indeed, since the break-out feminism of the seventies in which Adrienne Rich published Diving Into the Wreck– needs a man to immemorialize her is the height of  folly.  To expect the small audience for poetry, made up chiefly of educated, informed women according to the stats, to warm to this book is to dream an impossible dream.

Consider “Diving into the Wreck,” a painful and explicit exploration of the oppression of women– by an eminent woman poet.  I will never forget how that poem empowered me to claim and celebrate my intellect, my body, my gender, my history.  It was a poem that healed many of us of our sense that we did not matter and that our gender meant a life in the background.  It would not have had the same effect upon me if it had been written by a man– I would have been sent the message that such exhuming of my cultural history was beyond me.

Just as I have no business attempting to write the Jewish experience or the African-American experience, I must assert that Dr. Fishman has  crossed the line.  In one poem he references a woman’s puberty and the arrival of her menses.  He writes of Georgia O’Keeffe’s paintings luridly, voyeuristically, not obliquely or erotically.

And, worse than merely taking an interest in some women’s lives with whom he is acquainted, it feels to me that this poet sees the writing of this book as a matter of personal destiny. Quite clearly,  and in a painfully narcissistic, grandiose, somewhat messianic  sense, he views himself to have been somehow “chosen” or foreordained  to sing/write of women: in the opening poem he writes ” I have traveled to the coast to write these words for you, sisters/ of a brave country. Drink each day like the deep red wine/that flows at your tables, let the sun of your history embrace you.”

With this exhortation, the poet reveals much about himself, how he sees himself:  someone speaking to women from on high, making a grand gesture, dispensing permissions where no permissions are needed.

In this same poem Fishman writes,  “Sisters, the water is on fire…”  as if we are unaware, we women, of the urgencies of the moment, of who we are and our right to lay claim to our experience and our power, as if we are blind to the value of the lives of all women to all of humanity.

To be fair,  there are several poems in the book that measure up to Fishman’s previous work in their depth and lyricism, driven by his empathy with and respect for women who have exhibited great courage, several of whom are renowned political martyrs.  And there are passages of intense beauty and prowess: here are a few lines from “Starry Night”– In the black night of the universe/two stars fall/but do not die: /they flare in each other’s presence/they flame, and their burning/lights up the world….What are their names and how/do they exist with each other/blazing forever in the same orbit?/How do they survive the fire/that washes over them?

The stronger work in The Language of Women is countered, however, by the instances in which the poet’s attempts to pay court to a given woman backfire by defining her in terms of her weaknesses and as a victim. And sexism breathes from much of this work in covert and overt ways, simply even, in the diction. There is an unfortunate reference in some of the poems to a given woman’s “grandma”– with the relegation of a woman to little-girl status  such diction carries– would we hear any poet, man or woman, writing about a man’s “grandpa?”

Further, there is in a number of these poems a maddening appropriation of individual women’s experience and conjecture as to the meaning of that experience by addressing the subject of a poem with the convention of “You…”– the often used second person that in this case becomes preachy, intrusive, overly intimate, assumptive in some way hard to describe but profoundly irritating.  You this, you that together with the listing of superficial aspects of someone’s life in the vein of, you loved the old songs, you wore a fancy dress. Are these not gratuitous and diminishing details when it comes to writing about a woman who is a whole, full human being?

Here are the first few lines of “A Woman from Coimbatore”–

Your parents wanted a boy/and your Grandmom persisted–/already, her large family had too many/sisters.  How sad this caused you pain/and your parents sorrow.”…”Your father had wanted a boy but loved/when you lived your life.  No wonder/he’s your hero: you were his darling daughter.” Figurative language in such poems  is sacrificed for the mission, falling into the prosaic and sentimental– well beneath and unaccountably so, Fishman’s true poetry.

Worse, unforgivably and also unaccountably,  one poem begins with, “Imagine a woman/whose fingers are food….” followed by a list of…food.   Imagine a man whose hands were.. what.  Guns?  Hammers?  Pliers? I find it hard to fathom how it is that a poet lauded for his brilliance, his empathies and powers of discernment would write so insensitively.

In “A Dream of Morning” the poet writes of a woman dreaming of a lover  who finds herself in his arms, “For a split second you were whole.”  And there it is.  The old, eminently disempowering message: we women must be completed by a man.  We are not enough for or sufficient unto ourselves.

It is of great interest to me that the poems about women affected by the Holocaust are far better– more intense, more cleanly and passionately drawn.  Nothing in this section of the book is casual or diminishing.

It feels to me when all is said and done that the writer/speaker is a member of the male literary elite looking down not at or into– many of the women in his field of view–however unconscious this might be. These subjects of his poetic scrutiny he appears to regard as needing to be validated, reassured, and in a deeply troubling way for this writer, rescued/saved from themselves– by himself, the male narcissistic poet/therapist/, who hath so generously  bequeathed himself to us, so generously and nobly offered to sing of us, to us and for us.

In reviewing the glowing commentary on Fishman’s previous work by a number of literary luminaries, I conjecture that perhaps this poet has gone looking for a new cause celebre, some other intersection of time and place for the bearing of witness.  But a poetry of witness should never patronize or condescend.

In attempting to get at what is so discomfitting about the collection for me, I see a hydra emerging:  women poets and male poets.  Voice and gender.  Interiority vs. territory.  Power and lack of power.

As noted, it goes better for the poet in work with more poetry in it, as in “She Remembers Winter”– “She remembers the overpass/along Sunrise Highway/where she would sled all day/with friends in that winter’of 1970: how the sled would freeze/in late December coldness…”She remembers that downhill rush/as her first lesson in freedom/how her heart raced  with the sled/and beat with a frantic pleasure/that opened gates inside her.”  Even so, what about the inner life of this woman and that her life itself makes a statement that stands on its own?  

For Dr. Fishman has been justly lauded for writing an altogether different poetry than one finds in this book–of the vulnerabilities, courage and vagaries of humanity via exploration of his own close relationships, and as noted, in bearing courageous witness to the Holocaust. In those poems, he makes immediate the greatest self-destruction of the human soul and abrogation of conscience of  any time in history.  I wonder what would have changed in this work had he chosen the subjects of his most recent work in terms of their inspiring or equivocal humanity rather than their gender.

Finally, Dr. Fishman’s poetic empathies and indelible lyricism would be appropriate and valuable in writing  even of women whose strengths seem more evident to him and whom he therefore views as his peers; as I said, he seems to have written his earlier poems with passion and tremendous courage.  But the poems in The Language of Women do not have this passion.

Because it takes a village to make a beautiful book, and meaningful, beautiful books are not as prevalent as we all might wish, I wish that this book had rocked my world.  Dr. Fishman, the water is indeed on fire; this writer respectfully asks you to rethink the premise of this collection.


In Praise of Foals..

Please note I daily post new work in draft at La Parola Vivace, and that I’ve posted my memoir Nightfall in Verona on its own blog for all to read.

I’m reposting my poem Amphibian here in honor of the beautiful foals now appearing at the rate of one a day in the field on the road between my country and town homes.

These mares are managed as a classic Western broodmare band, meaning that they freely range and roam over hundreds of acres in all weathers, taking shelter in the trees when necessary.  Every year the owner turns a gorgeous paint stallion I have nicknamed “Dazzle” in with them who breeds them on the post-foaling heat.  I pull over and watch the interplay of the herd, as do other locals.  Enjoy.

Amphibian

The last time I walked

I took a grey mare out to grass too green to bear

I played in the twilight with a Golden dog,

on my strong, Western woman’s legs,

sure of foot and carefully inching sideways

down to the slope to the creek, unrolling the training lead

while she plunged in, overjoyed,

her tail a semaphore in the rain of light

.

The last time I took action on a dream

was to buy a grey mare huge with foal

lugging redolent mash– flaked corn, grain, molasses

down to the corral where she stood in dangerous beauty,

waiting for me, eyes round and dark

with gratitude.

.

The last time I loved was in the stillness of candlelight

and breathlessness

fingers brushing my nipples

unfastening silk strings

hands running down my thighs

I was strong and flexible in my joy

the taking into my body of an errant golden boy

lost in the same ways

in the aftermath holding his head against me.

.

And the last time I yearned as deeply

as one may yearn

there was a seahorse floating in the watery night

of my womb

whose name I dared not speak,

a becoming of someone else high up in my belly,

belly I rubbed with strawberry-scented oil

at daybreak,

.

A tiny and uncommon thing

that slipped from me in a small knot of blood

a dream gone back to grass

a personhood absorbed by night

known so briefly,

like the kiss of a far existence

a fluttering away into thin air.

ii

The last time I made a record

of an uncommon life

is this time, of an index of illuminations

before daybreak, in late July

in a house gone to ruin

moths in the window sills, in the cool

silences of morning

.

Brought awake by the imperatives

of language, mind burning in

the crumbling house of a body,

launching myself in my walker

out through the bedroom door

turning down the sibilance of the radio

.

To hear the swell within

of, you could say

the lyrical nature of living on

in spite of a surgical failure

to weld my bones together:

.

In making myself try

to walk again however I could

the weight of daily life curved my leg like a scythe,

until like anything going from water to land

I became other than I had been, a tilted person

one leg shorter than the other, a rudder

attached to a once lovely woman.

.

I go out for a drive, throwing my walker

into the back of my car

to see the mare down the way that has come to her feet

newborn paint filly sitting up in amazed languor

emerald field populated

with similitude and otherness,

Each mare now with an undaunted foal,

dancing into life.


Jenne’ Andrews

Summer 2009


The Flowering Fields…

Doug and I have been trying to save a little kitten, the tiniest and weakest of six born three weeks ago.  He tells me that it’s given up the ghost.

This is what Spring is– some little things make it, some don’t.  I drove by the field of mares last night to see the new foal out of the oldest paint mare; it was asleep on the grass.  But then I noticed that one of the young mares had a tiny cream blur running alongside– a filly I think, foaled in the pouring rain night before last.  While I watched the mare lay down and the filly stood next to her; then they got up, and came bolting for my truck!  What a thrill.

I have always wanted a ranch in the Maroon Bells, high up in the mountains with a sweeping ranch and a broodmare band.  I once wandered into the barn next door and what I thought was one of the stallions “cribbing”– sucking on his wooden gate– a nervous mannerism– turned out to be someone’s Paso Fino mare in labor.  I went over to her stall; she was stretched flat out.  I went in and sat behind her and shortly a gorgeous auburn filly slid into my lap.

It was a thrill.  The filly had long eyelashes and was a real little imp.

Out of the litter of six kittens we have five doing well that will go to friends’ barns.  Our panoply of yellow cats is thriving and the two days of rain will no doubt boost the alfalfa fields near us.

My favorite horse of the moment, Cheval d’Or– a Percheron/Quarter Horse cross– is in a run that’s too small but he often gets out for lessons and is being trained dressage.  He’s a beaut.

I bought a basil plant.  Tomorrow I’ll make Pesto as follows:

a healthy bunch of basil leaves, washed and chopped.

about 8 oz of pine nuts

three cloves of fresh garlic

a half-cup of olive oil

grated parmesan

Process these things together and refrigerate.  Toss with pasta al dente.

I cook impulsively, by feel– I’m sure there are more precise recipes on the Net.

BTW:  we had a mountain lion– a big young male– come in and lead the sheriff’s department on a chase down a bike path– then it hid under a trailer at a gas station and then took off again, taking a bunch of very high fences.  We thought it was gone– but it showed up near an elementary school yesterday.

Uh-oh, Mountain Lion.  DOW says it’s not afraid enough of people and may have to be dispatched.  I hate that.


A Few Thoughts on Retaliation…

It seems to me that many of our online associations start out positively, and then we encounter the usual human bumps in the road– minor disagreements, sometimes bigger disagreements.  Ideally, we handle such things with equanimity.  But clearly, often, not so much.

When people turn mean and cruel,  becoming defensive and cold when you say or do something they don’t like, or breaking their word to you on the basis of malicious gossip, unfriending you or otherwise pulling away because they judge you, or coming down on you without getting your side of any given story  or other such things, my hackles get raised big-time and, as is perfectly obvious, to my deep regret, I launch a counter-offensive.  Counter-offensives, naturally, don’t work any better interpersonally than they have in Iraq and Afghanistan.

The internet affords us the opportunity to practice being kind and fair.  It also makes it possible for us to hurt each other and tell ourselves that these are momentary relationships in the course of events and that people mean little or nothing to us.

Where do we draw the line if we are unwilling to suffer in silence, especially if we are deeply wounded, just as if we’d been kicked in the stomach?  What is an appropriate response to feeling and/or being cut to the quick?    What can we teach our children when they feel bullied?

I read a really interesting piece yesterday by a very brainy psychologist– and now I can’t find it again.  But he said that while irritation is normal in the course of events, anger and rage are about revenge, retaliation.

He makes the point that while it may feel justified or necessary to lash out against a hurt in the moment, we end up operating on the level of whoever it was that hurt us and whatever they did. If our reaction runs away with itself, people can then turn around and point the finger, ignoring their part and say: “Look at what that bitch did!”

Dr. What’s His Name  proposes that we  move from hurt/irritation to anger so that we don’t have to feel our pain, vulnerability and powerlessness.  We are driven to get even and the sympathetic nervous system kicks in so that we are in survival mode.  In survival mode, we have the urge to retaliate and ask questions later.

He has some fascinating ideas about how to change this:  to first let oneself feel the pain, the hurt, the emotional tidal wave of reaction that breaks over the psyche.  He says then, that as the wave subsides, having survived the pain, we need to consider the person doing the wounding, and say to ourselves, “This person who needs to wound me must be suffering.  How sad that he feels he needs to lash out/fire me/sleep with my wife/run over my dog…”  I’m kidding, but you get the picture.

I think about a Golden Retriever I placed with a family out of my breeding program some years ago.  The dog was tortured by the many children in the family and returned to me.

When I approached him, he would lunge at me with his teeth bared.  His sympathetic nervous system was on full alert.  Those who suffer with childhood abuse trauma are wounded animals, like our dog. We literally suffer with wounded animal syndrome, and our emotional skin has been flayed off.

So this small technique, of increasing our “distress tolerance” so that we self-intervene before we retaliate in kind when old pain is triggered,  is not so small.

Today I discovered that someone stopped following my blog and commenting on my work– a painful  and retaliatory thing I speculate to be based in a reaction to something I posted, not directed toward her, but to individuals I felt betrayed by.  So in addition to the original betrayal, there is a new wound of rejection.

I had a choice then: now that I have something new to try, I can let myself feel the pain and then take appropriate action, or I can resort to the behaviors that keep me safe by pushing people away for good.

So, I let myself feel the hurt.  For a few minutes it was intense.  I felt it in the pit of my stomach, along my arms; a lump came into my throat. It was familiar pain– of rejection, abandonment, that I don’t matter enough to hang in with.

But then it passed.  It passed!  The sun came out!  Ten minutes later I’m listening to the glorious Dona Nobis Pacem, Bach Mass in B minor.  I now see the other person’s own dysfunction in her retaliatory behavior.  I see that my survival does not depend on this particular relationship, and the pain has dissipated.

I sent an e-mail to the person in question, expressing my hurt.  That was enough.  I have nothing to apologize for and I didn’t make it possible for everyone else in the scenario to gang up on me, point the finger and scapegoat me yet again.  For if my sins seem huge to you, you don’t have to look at your part, yes?

Maybe there’s hope for even the most damaged among us.  Learning to tolerate distress and cultivate empathy are skills, like dyeing Easter eggs, only a bigger deal.


another bravo for Barack Obama….

Great MSNBC documentary on getting OBL today.

Barack Obama is a hero.  History may have to assert this conclusively, for our courageous president is already coming under fire for having Bin Laden taken out.  What should we have done with the man who masterminded this:

I have watched Obama closely since the election.  I’ve seen him make strong, measured decisions, control whatever reaction he might have to the nearly unbelievable abuse leveraged upon him by the GOP.  I’ve seen him comfort the bereaved, and today I’ve enjoyed looking at his face as he watched Operation Geronimo go down.

So much could have gone wrong.  Now there are rhetoric’s ashes falling through the sky— the self-righteous indignation of the Paki’s who were effectively hiding Bin Laden.  The twin Pillsbury doughboys Limbaugh and Beck bitching that we should have taken him alive for the intel.  What?  Do you really think Bin Laden would have given up two words?

Here’s a sane-sounding HuffPo comment on this aspect of things:

“While I agree with Michael Moore’s interpreta­tion of what this country stands for, I will agree with others on thread here that the shooter on Seal Team 6 was within every right to disperse of Bin Laden if he even so much as twitched a muscle. Given the danger this man represente­d, the Seals could not assume there was no imminent threat from booby trap of explosives or some other danger that Bin Laden could have triggered with a simple movement. At that moment, it was either immediatel­y surrender or get killed. I guess Bin Laden chose death, because they say he was given one chance to surrender, and he did not. Do I believe that he was given the chance? Yes. Do I believe that he moved and was then taken out? Yes. Do I believe it was justified? Yes, because he is a terrorist on the battle field. This is not the local police finding a drug dealer. This is in the middle of a war, where the Taliban or al Qaeda have yet to surrender. We could take the Nazi’s to court, because they surrendere­d and were subsequent­ly arrested. It’s a bit more difficult to take Bin Laden to court when there is no surrender.”

Moreover, weighing in yet again, I have to say that I absolutely cannot understand why people are critical or questioning whether or not water-boarding led to this action.  Does anyone really care whether Jihadists are water-boarded or not?  All of these Monday morning quarterbacks, generating tempests in teapots. The Native Americans, bitching about the code word “Geronimo.”  You self-anointed victims.  Why not take pride in the fact that the name Geronimo was considered appropriate to the level of the mission? And guess what– this wasn’t George Bush’s victory just because he collected a little data before we returned him to Texas.

I wish I had Barack Obama’s ability to rise above the bullshit. I certainly wish I knew how, when my buttons are pushed, not to react, and I suspect many of us would like more of that ability. It’s not in my genes,  the business of withholding reaction  when bullied/rejected/criticized/shamed/abandoned— the Big 5 things people should not do to each other at all costs.

In a somewhat related matter, today I found a cache of little posts on a site by women who were abused by their mothers.  I’ve talked quite a bit about my mother’s illnesses but not so much about what she did to me.  Suffice it to say that I was on high alert, perpetually recovering from maternal rejection and verbal abuse, for eighteen years. In my world, maternal rejection is its own kind of personal terrorism.

Here is what one woman has to say, in part:  ”I was raised by an alcoholic mother whose behavior and moods were so erratic that I lived in almost constant tension and fear of her and for her. . When she was around, she was usually too drunk, stressed out, angry or depressed to really even notice what was going on with her children. I feel like I basically grew up without parents at all, and had to try to learn to fend for myself at an early age. When I was a teenager, I lived under the illusion that once I got away from her and on my own, I would be okay and happy. But, like I’m sure you know, just getting away from her didn’t heal all the damage to my spirit. I too felt this great loneliness and void where a mother’s (and fathers) love should have been. It’s hard for a child knowing they are not really loved or wanted by their parents. From that abuse and neglect, I learned to abuse and neglect myself. Having not learned about love and care and discipline, I did not know how to give those things to myself…”

Good stuff, learning that one is not alone, that one’s own bewildering behavior, when triggered,  has an origin.

Accordingly I find stories of courage inspiring and helpful and cathartic and I suspect many others do as well.  Events in which people are decisive and empowered and heroic affect me.  Watching the simulation of the raid on the Abbotabad compound just now, I was proud all over again of our Navy Seals.  If you are a hand-wringing liberal who thinks we should have handled this in some other way, you may comment, but don’t expect agreement from me.  This piece of scum was the closest thing in my generation to Satan incarnate– a conscience-less Master of Terror who planned and rejoiced in taking out 3,000 U.S. citizens in the most vile imaginable way. Think of the emotional fall-out, the infinite cases of PTSD arising in New York after 9/11.

Living with PTSD, forever on a state of high alert, your emotional skin flayed off so that you flame up without much provocation, is its own kind of hell.  If something happens to detonate your sense of the world being a safe place, that you are safe in it, you never fully recover.  Your brain has etched new survival responses to danger, your limbic response system goes haywire,  and the triggers are omnipresent.  You are in permanent survival mode; you  can’t trust, or relax, or even sleep.  If anything like the original woundings or betrayals goes down, you are ready to either run, go for the jugular, or both.  If you were abused by a dominating perpetrator and anything remotely feels like domination, you extend your claws.

In any event,  I concur that there is absolutely no way the Pakistanis could not have known OBL was there (see below)  and Obama made the right decision in not taking the compound out with a drone or two.  Clearly by all accounts despite some variation in details, even an unarmed OBL wasn’t going to surrender.  Capture/Kill was the right decision . See below.  And  Bravo once more to the Man of the Hour– Barack Obama.

Salman Rushdie, writing in the Daily Beast this week:

“This time the facts speak too loudly to be hushed up. Osama bin Laden, the world’s most wanted man, was found living at the end of a dirt road 800 yards from the Abbottabad military academy, Pakistan’s equivalent of West Point or Sandhurst, in a military cantonment where soldiers are on every street corner, just about 80 miles from the Pakistani capital Islamabad. This extremely large house had neither a telephone nor an Internet connection. And in spite of this we are supposed to believe that Pakistan didn’t know he was there, and that the Pakistani intelligence, and/or military, and/or civilian authorities did nothing to facilitate his presence in Abbottabad, while he ran al Qaeda, with couriers coming and going, for five years?”

Dead courier vermin via Reuters, one of whom may be OBL junior, below.

Al Qaeda Courier for Osama bin Laden, May 2, 2011: r.i.p.....



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